# DAD BOOK _Raw source export from Notion. This includes summaries, transcript fragments, and other working material._ # A journey of Choices and Lessons **Summary: A Journey of Choices and Lessons** In this segment, you shared the formative years of your life, beginning with your early childhood by the sea and moving to the pivotal moments of your schooling. You vividly recount the excitement and challenges of boarding school, where the subjects you chose set the stage for your future. Your narrative takes us through the discovery of your passion for golf amidst the unique backdrop of living near a lighthouse on a golf course. This passion not only shaped your teenage years but also taught you the value of persistence and competition. However, the story also delves into the regret of leaving school early and the profound impact it had on your life. You highlight how critical those final school years are, not just for education but for building character and opportunities. Your reflection on the importance of education and the support (or lack thereof) from your parents provides a poignant lesson about the long-term effects of our early decisions. This chapter is a powerful start, setting up a rich, reflective journey through your life's experiences and the wisdom you've gained. — Transcript: I am going to be writing a book with my dad. It's basically his book, but I am helping him put it together. He is sending me voice notes of him talking through the rough ideas. I am going to transcribe those, and then format everything neatly (using your help probably). I have just imported one of his voice notes. This is quite early on as it involves school life (the book follows his life in chronological order). Could you please take this transcript and give me a nice snappy summary I can send back to him for him to get excited about the process. He has just started recording, so we both don't know yet how it will translate into a book. So if you could do a bit of creative summarising or whatever to give me a nice little piece to send him. This won't be in the book or anything, so it is just to give him some initial feedback. Here is the transcript, without editing (some sentences weren't picked up perfectly by the AI). --- Speaker 1 00:02 The purpose of this book is not to record my past, but simply to share my experience experience of the correct decisions made when at certain points in time. I'll begin my I'll begin my story with me being born in Queenstown in 1952. To parents, my father was a son of a farmer and my mother, her father worked on the railways. He was working for the lighthouses and so we lived by the sea for a few years at a time at different lighthouses because they transferred you from 1 lighthouse to another so that 1 person couldn't have the privilege all his time and he had to also be at some of the outstations. Speaker 1 01:38 So I will begin my story when I went to high school in standard 6 because I think this is relevant to a lot of people it's the first time in your life that you will be making decisions that will affect you for the rest of your life. Because When you go to high school, standard 6 or grade 10, is the first time that you will decide what subjects you want to study. If you are a lady, then you can have knitting or cooking or maybe science or something like that. So as a man you get woodwork or you get those type of things or maths and Latin etc. Speaker 1 02:49 So I went to a boarding school because we at this point in time were in a small little town called Bortson Johns and I went to Mdata High School. So we went to boarding school and of course this is an experience on its own because it's the first time you're leaving home and going to stay with hundreds of other children in a boarding school. Anyway, the subjects that you choose there can affect the rest of your life simply because if you want to go further you cannot have certain subjects and you know you won't be able to study in certain directions. Okay now from boarding school I did standard 6 and standard 7 and quite enjoyed boarding school, I must admit. Speaker 1 04:10 Then we were transferred to East London. Now I was then in Standard 8 and the lighthouse is situated right in the middle of a golf course. So the people on Saturday afternoon and through the week play golf around you and I Saw the caddies Picking up balls in the rough you know when the people had lost the balls and so on. And this I started doing too, and collected quite a number of balls. Speaker 1 04:58 And then eventually, I can't remember how, but I was given some golf clubs. I put A33 iron, a 5 iron, a 7 iron, a driver, and a spoon. Those were the clubs that I started with. Then I started hitting the ball just behind the lighthouse over there till a caddy 1 day came up to me and started helping me. Speaker 1 05:48 He said he was a 6 handicap golfer and you know, we could play. So what we did then is I started playing golf from the tenth hole. He would carry for me and I would play the top 9 at the 10th hole because that was visible from the club so he didn't hit the ball but from the 11th he would play with me. So we started playing, he's helping me and I started getting better and better and better. Speaker 1 06:32 What we did is we used to play 1 cent a hole, so if he won the hole I would have to pay him 1 cent and so on. In the beginning, yes, I would probably lose 7 cents because he would beat me basically every hole Because the 18th hole he couldn't play again. It was visible from the clubhouse so That that's how it started. Eventually we got to the point where I would pay him 1 cent or he would even pay me 1 cent. Speaker 1 07:16 After the also I was getting to be a quite a good golfer at this point in time towards the end of the year. Now then I started playing in the junior golf tournaments and again was fairing pretty well because I like boxes of new balls that's what you would be given for winning or coming second or whatever in these tournaments. So I played in 1 tournament at the end of the year now again and we played this top 9 that I played virtually every day and I came around the first 9 with a 39 score which is 4 over par. To everybody's surprise then everybody started you know pointing fingers and watching me etc etc. Speaker 1 08:29 And then the second 9 we didn't play all that often, I didn't play all that often and I think my head was just too big and whatever, but I think I turned probably 139. So lost the tournament and of course When you eat a bad shot you you get cross with yourself and you it only gets worse and worse and worse so anyway That that's how my golfing started and that's where after that my biggest mistake comes in that I left school and joined the prison department. Okay, about schooling now. I said standard 6 was the beginning of a person's career making decisions. Speaker 1 09:40 Now because my schooling career was cut short basically before it started. I want to explain certain things about it. First of all I was fairly, say, above average or average in my learning, etc. So in class I listened, which is the first thing that I'd say to the teachers. Speaker 1 10:18 I didn't play and go to school to do anything else. I learned and this afforded me a lot of time to go and play golf so I didn't have to study that much for exams etc. But also when you get to that point in your schooling career your teachers are starting your teachers are starting to look at the standard 9 and standard 10 prefects. And people that are good at sport or excel at sport are awarded school colors. Speaker 1 11:02 Or Excel at sport, awarded school colours and I truly believe that I would have become a junior boarder golf player. So then if I had stayed on at school I would have got school colours and of course that gives you a little more prestige or noticeability. So I believe that yes, if I had gone through Stenner 9 and Stenner 10, I possibly could have been a prefect and I could have been somebody in the school, not just, well, as it was for 1 year and that's it. So that side of my life was cut short and because of that I also believe that if you are good at a sport and you start playing good golf etc etc. Speaker 1 12:23 Other people in the business world would notice you and possibly offer you a job. So your career at late school is so important. If in my case, I was a good golfer. Secondly, after school, you've got the opportunity of going to university. Speaker 1 12:52 Now because I left school, obviously this didn't apply to me, but it is so important for the rest of your life that you do have this opportunity if you possibly can. If you if you not very learned at school, yes, then you become a tradesman or do something like that. But otherwise you go to university and go and study something and of course your life is set from there. Now, as far as I'm concerned, My parents should have said to me, listen, you now in standard 8, you're not struggling with school, you're becoming a very good golfer in 1 year, you've now got so far that you're breaking the 40s, so you're a good golfer, Gloucester's a good golfer now, and standard 9 and standard 10 are actually the best years in a person's school life because you're respected and you've got the opportunity then of deciding what deciding what you want to do in life. Speaker 1 14:25 So being left to leave school at that point in time was, I think, and I blame my parents for not helping me at this point in time. So just to have a person understand that the decision that I made or they didn't stop me from making has cost me a lot of time in my life because if you apply for any job and you haven't got at least a matric certificate you always look down upon and in later life I only realized this because I've been self-employed but sometimes you struggle which we will get to later on. You need your qualifications to get you anywhere in life. So that mistake that I made has cost me many a heartache as far as I'm concerned. Speaker 1 15:46 Okay, that's it for now. # The biggest mistake of my life Summary: In this chapter, you candidly recount the pivotal decision to leave school at a young age—a choice heavily influenced by a promise of sports privileges in the prison department. This chapter delves into the challenges and realities of joining the prison service at just 16 years old, where the promise of golf opportunities quickly gave way to the harsh realities of prison work. You share vivid anecdotes from your early days in the prison service, from grueling physical training at college to nerve-wracking encounters with hardened convicts. Despite your young age, you navigated these challenges with determination, but soon realized that this career path was not what you had envisioned. Amidst the trials of prison work, a glimmer of hope appeared when you began studying botanical medicine, inspired by your father's interest in homeopathy. This newfound passion led you to open a small herbal shop, where your entrepreneurial spirit and clever resource management allowed you to quickly grow your business. Your journey through the world of herbal medicine and retail was marked by rapid expansion and innovative problem-solving, from opening multiple shops to creatively managing stock and finances. However, the narrative also touches on the setbacks, including the regretful decision to hand over your most profitable shop to your father. The chapter wraps up with the anticipation of your adventurous move to New Zealand, leaving behind a well-established business in the hands of a trusted friend. Through this chapter, you reflect on how leaving school early set the stage for many of your life's challenges and triumphs, highlighting the long-lasting impact of that critical decision. — Raw transcript: **Speaker 1** 00:02 This chapter is called the biggest mistake of my life. I was in standard 8 or grade 10 when my sister was going out with a boy whose father worked in the prison department. And he told my parents that if you're a good sportsman because by Now I was a very good golfer, or a fairly good golfer, that if you joined the prison department and you were a good sportsman, they would give you time off to play in tournaments or to go and practice, etc. So at the end of writing standard 8, my brother decided to leave school. S1 **Speaker 1** 01:19 And so I thought, oh well, I'll just join the prison department because they'll give me these privileges and I can now start working. Now nobody really helping me and explaining to me the consequences of leaving school at such a young age because at this time I was only let's say 16 years of age, always the youngest in my class and anyway leaving school. So I applied and it was accepted in the prison department. In the beginning, before college you worked with the personnel not in the jail itself. S1 **Speaker 1** 02:27 So for a couple of weeks or so, you ran errands and basically did a bit of filing, etc. Till you went to college. Okay, so now I was called 16 years of age going to college. Right, so you're on the train and you go to the college. S1 **Speaker 1** 03:04 You get there and this is the first time you're now treated with young adults in college. You know, your bed must be made so and your shoes must be shiny and you've got your overalls and you're running around first of all getting fit. They chase you around and in the beginning I thought I really was sick because when you start getting fit your body is not acquainted to this and therefore you feel every ache and pain but soon after that when you do get fit that they can't do anything to you. But anyway, going through college now, I'm still basically a young boy and I hitchhike from Cronstadt to East London start to East London every second, third weekend. S1 **Speaker 1** 04:25 I leave there Friday night when the college closes at, say, 05:00 and then you itch through the night till you get to East London and then you spend, I don't know, a few hours basically and then you hitchhike back to college again. And this I did, I don't know, because I was insecure and That's basically what I did. Okay, then it goes on till you now pass out and you become a warder. Now, I got posted back to East London again and there in the prison apartment the first while they give you like the smaller jobs of like looking after the kitchen. S1 **Speaker 1** 05:34 Now the kitchen, the convicts that prepare the meals and that, they get up like 03:00 in the morning and stir these massive pots with a porridge for the hundreds of prisoners when they get up in the morning. So these guys are very very strong And of course they are criminals. So now I'm probably at this age, say 17, and I have words with this 1 convict, a very, very strong character from stirring this pot like every day and all the meals and whatever. And I sort of end up like having a fight with a guy. S1 **Speaker 1** 06:38 I stand there like if you've ever seen like a Popeye movie where this guy stands against a giant and this guy takes 1 swing at me and I fortunately ducked and other convicts grabbed this guy and they told him he's gonna kill me because I mean that's I'm this little little boy challenging this big guy. Anyway I put on my cap and you can imagine I suppose my knees were rattling a little bit, but I carried on with my job. That's 1 of the incidents. Then as we go further in the prison department, then they start sending you out into the lands where they grow tomatoes and stuff to use supplementing their food. S1 **Speaker 1** 07:46 Again I get sent out with this 303 rifle and call a 10 or 15 convicts to go and weed the gardens or pick the tomatoes or whatever. But these convicts are very clever, they watch you all the time. Now, I stand in a position where I count everybody, I count them 1, 2, 3, till I get to the number, say 15. And these guys will eventually decide they're gonna play a trick on you. S1 **Speaker 1** 08:24 So 1 guy will not run away, but he'll like hide somewhere and you'll be counting. Then you 1 short and you start panicking and you move to different positions and you count till you now really start getting worried about what's going on then this guy will appear from nowhere and then your things are right. But these are the games that they will play with a youngster like me. Okay, following that standing in the sun for like 6 hours in the day. S1 **Speaker 1** 09:04 I for the first time started thinking maybe this is not the career that I wanted to follow. So anyway then I decided to change to night duty. Now, night duty, again, you walk around the jail with us, 303, and report to the gate every hour or so. So, again, this is rain or wind or whatever you've got to now walk in around the jail. S1 **Speaker 1** 09:46 Okay then for the first time something good happened. Now my father, as I mentioned earlier on, worked in the lighthouses and he also did shifts so he used to go a week on night shift and day shift and and so on. So he started studying homeopathy. Now he studied through a well-known and very respected college so he had big lectures and all types of material, but on a grand scale. S1 **Speaker 1** 10:40 He was really studying at university level. And in the paper, there was an advert for botanical medicines, become a doctor of botanical medicines, herbalist in other words. And this was only, call it, 250 rand. And I applied and they said, fine, I can now study. S1 **Speaker 1** 11:18 So they sent me the first lecture which was, I don't know, a few maybe 40 or 50 pages stapled together with very basic understanding of very basic understanding of anatomy and physiology and all that, but I mean not not very very in depth. So after I got this I applied to work at the gate, not walk around the jail, but stay in the gate and learn while this other guy was walking around and reporting to me. So after a few lectures these guys said to me, do I want to write the exam? So I said yes. S1 **Speaker 1** 12:18 I thought this would be like a practice run, that you'll write the exam and then you'll see how far you get and then probably the next time I might fare better and see how it'll go. Anyway, I wrote this exam under no supervision. I was working and I could write this exam with my lectures and everything over there with me. So this is what I did. S1 **Speaker 1** 12:59 But I'm a fairly clever guy so I don't write word for word. I write a whole thing giving all the facts, basic, but not in the same language as the lecture. So anyway, about a month or maybe 2 later, a certificate arrives in the post for me. A beautiful certificate, doctor of botanical medicines. S1 **Speaker 1** 13:38 Beautiful. It was more impressive than a university certificate because those are very standard. This was exceptionally good with everything. Anyway, I framed it and took this all. S1 **Speaker 1** 14:00 I didn't frame it. I took it to the prison department and expected to be somehow promoted to like a lieutenant or a general maybe type of thing And of course they rejected it. They said this is not accepted. But I was still working, but I said, okay, can I then be transferred to the hospital department, which again, I was sent to, and I started working in the hospital? S1 **Speaker 1** 14:44 Now you gain a lot of knowledge in the hospital about nursing and all the convicts are then coming to you with their complaints etc. So you quickly learn how to take orders from the doctors and execute them, you know, whatever has got to be done. And people that are in the hospital, in the hospital beds, you look after them, etc. So, very quickly, I was pretty competent, and like I would have to then go and do the European hospital with the white people and coloreds and that in another in the other jail. S1 **Speaker 1** 15:42 Okay, after a while now I'd been in the prison department probably, I think about 7 years by now. So I was a young adult, I had my own car and I had this certificate now to say that I was a doctor and all that. So I resigned because I've been a fairly business man all my life. I calculate what I do. S1 **Speaker 1** 16:21 So I resigned and got my pension and started a small little shop, herbal shop, in Cockstead, in a small town. Herbal shop in Cockstead and another small town Now Doing that I to save money. I I went down to an Indian shop in Durban about say 400 or so kilometers from where I'd started the shop and bought and asked him for my full pension to give me stock. Now I'm also a little bit talented in a way that I can organize and pack the shelves that they look reasonably full, although you don't have such a lot of stock. S1 **Speaker 1** 17:27 But I put up these shelves all night and in the morning the people are basically knocking on the door to come into the new shop and see. So That morning, the first morning, a lady walks in and says that she's a teacher and she wants to work for me in this herbal shop. This is how Mildred started to work for me. Now, she ran the shop. S1 **Speaker 1** 18:08 I started. I had the back portion partitioned off where I had my office, my desk, and like a consulting room. So people would come there and I would consult and have them, let's say, lie down on the bench. So My equipment at this point in time was like a stethoscope and an otoscope and a couple of instruments on my desk, a sphagnometer and so on, and the people would lie down. S1 **Speaker 1** 19:02 But the basic 1 that I worked with was a medical dictionary. Now this medical dictionary gives you all the advice you need. It tells you about all the ailments, what their symptoms are, etc. But I had all the knowledge from the hospital, so I had some pretty good idea of what I was doing. S1 **Speaker 1** 19:33 But I again, quite clever, would say to the person, okay, I'll check maybe his heart and listen to his lungs and he might have a crackle or something and I would say right if I wanted to impress the guy I would say I'm just worried about something so I consulted the medical dictionary would which would give me a lot of information, which I would then tell the customer or the patient, and he was very impressed with all the knowledge that I had about whatever was wrong with him. I started giving out the medicine, but I would only give out maybe 1 or 2 things that I thought were necessary to help the person. Mildred was much better because she would add tonics and blood cleansing and all different types of things. So I was instead of getting say 50 rands worth of medicine she would give 100 rands worth of medicine. S1 **Speaker 1** 20:59 So my stock was going up fairly quickly. So I started building up the shop, but I took all the money I had. I would save only enough for a hamburger on the road type of thing. My pedal, because my car and everything was paid for, and I'd go down to this guy in Durban, load up with stock and ride back. S1 **Speaker 1** 21:31 So I'd leave Cockstead maybe at 03:00 in the morning, get there 08:00 when the guy opens the doors and about 10:00 I was back on the road. So lunchtime I was filling my shelves again. But now my stock instead of starting with say a thousand 500 and I was building up to 2500 And then more and more as very quickly my shop and my stock was growing because I'd go down at least once, maybe twice a week if necessary. But every cent that I made went into stock. S1 **Speaker 1** 22:23 Then a break came for me, Guy Fawkes time. Now Guy Fawkes, the guy at the shop said to me, buy crackers because this is what the people buy now. So reluctantly I bought maybe a few hundred grams worth of crackers and there was a very big mark up on the crackers. Chaps, within a week, within a few days, all the crackers were sold and I had to go down and buy crackers again and then I bought a fair amount and again this stuff was selling like hotcakes and I made very good money very quickly so I put it back into stock again after Guy Fawkes. S1 **Speaker 1** 23:18 Now my stock was that the shelves were full and I started buying directly from the companies. Now the companies would only sell in dozens or cases, so you had to buy 24, let's say, of a certain thing. But at this point in time, I was growing so fast that I thought yes that's what I'll do. So the rep came to me and I ordered a lot of stock in big you know, in boxes and cases. S1 **Speaker 1** 24:05 So after the stock arrived, you get 30 days and then 30 days after that, your payment is here. So I ordered such a lot of stuff that at the end of the period, when the money was due, I didn't have enough in the bank to send this company a check. So in order to keep my name and and be able to order them I made 1 plan. This was to post my check down to the company but not sign it. S1 **Speaker 1** 25:00 So this would give me like at least 10 days or so to make up the difference and then I would be able to pay them. So of course they phoned me and said no the cheque is not signed so they gone oh and I apologize like anything and they posted my cheque back to me And then I signed it and sent it back to them. By this time, the check was, I had enough money in the bank. So that's how I grew, but now I was growing so fast that this, under the counter was totally full of medicine and I had a friend that used to go to the next town to sell insurance and I used to ride with him and on the way 1 day I decided okay now I'm gonna open the second shop because I've got too much medicine basically there in the shop and Muldred runs the shop When I'm not there and I don't have to even be there So I opened the second shop just taking medicine from my shelves and whatever extra stock I had. S1 **Speaker 1** 26:37 So then I had 2 shops. Then I started running the second shop and again started building up. Maldred was doing well with the Coxedad shop and I had the second shop in Matatigal. Then again I started And I opened a third shop because again, I had lots of stock and it cost me nothing just to open another shop. S1 **Speaker 1** 27:11 So I opened a third shop. Now at this point in time, my father then wanted my shop in Cockstead with Maldivid in. And that again was probably My second biggest mistake by giving him the shop and losing my initial shop with the profits that I made out of there every month. By this time I'd bought a house in Matatiela and was going along okay. S1 **Speaker 1** 28:02 And as I say, my shop then in Queens, in Cockstead, was given to my dad, so I lost that. And I just slowed down and started balding up again basically, because they weren't as good as that shop and so on. Then What happened over there again is there was an advert in the paper about a ship going to New Zealand. And as I said before, I'm an adventurer and decided I will just let my friend, I give him power attorney and I say to him all the rep will do is he will order and supply whatever he thinks is necessary and my friend then will just issue a check Whatever it is, he just pays it. S1 **Speaker 1** 29:23 So this is, I think the next chapter is about my travels to New Zealand. At this point in time, it was a 6 month visa, which I had for New Zealand, a boat ticket, and Philip would run my shop, and everything I had, I think, was just parked in the garage, and off I went. So that is that part about the beginning. The first mistake that I ever made was leaving school at a young age when everything then is the most important time of your life where that decision that I made then was a very very costly 1. S1 **Speaker 1** 30:32 Okay, I'm done with that chapter now. Okay. # Life in Lighthouses and Early Adventures Summary: In this chapter, you share the unique and isolated experiences of growing up in lighthouse communities, such as Bird Island off Port Elizabeth. Life on these islands was marked by infrequent supply runs, inventive self-care like using matchsticks for a broken finger, and playful pranks like calling the mythical Flying Dutchman on the radio. You recount the challenges of constantly moving, making and losing friends, and the impact this had on your social life. Despite the isolation, the natural beauty and abundance, like the giant crayfish on Robin Island, added a special flavour to these years. Transitioning to boarding school, you describe how it shaped your independence and self-reliance, instilling discipline through sports and self-governance. A notable highlight was witnessing golf legend Gary Player in action, which deeply influenced your own golfing aspirations and skills. Reflecting on pivotal life decisions, you emphasise the importance of completing education and the lifelong impact of these choices. You recount personal adventures, from entering spearfishing competitions despite not being a strong swimmer to spontaneously joining yacht trips and indulging in weekend gambling trips to Lesotho. These stories highlight your adventurous spirit and willingness to embrace new experiences, setting the stage for the intriguing and varied life that followed. — Raw transcript: **Speaker 1** 00:02 Okay, I'm just wanting to add 1 or 2 things onto the beginning, which is of course my birth date, which is wrong. But then going from living in the lighthouse. Now living in the lighthouse by the sea is quite a strange experience simply because you live on an island which we lived on, Bird Island off Port Elizabeth and you have a tug bringing you food maybe once a month if the weather is good So you've got to live, you go to Port Elizabeth to go and do your shopping or shop over the radio and they will bring the stuff to you. Now 1 of the incidents that did happen to me while I was on Bird Island is I broke my small finger, my pinky. S1 **Speaker 1** 01:28 Now because there's only the lighthouse people on the island and you have your radio communication with Port Elizabeth. They will get a doctor to be on the radio and tell you what to do now with my broken finger for instance but anyway they patched it up with matchsticks apparently and And this type of thing so You know obviously You know that that incident is over. But another 1 that has been told to me is When a new person, 1 of the new people into the lighthouse department comes to relieve somebody that goes on holiday or you know something like that and comes to stay on the island. 1 thing happened over there is they, my father then left a note to say that this guy must at a certain time, whether it was 11 o'clock in the evening, put out a radio call to call the Flying Dutchman. S1 **Speaker 1** 03:05 So as we all know the Flying Dutchman is a ghost ship but this guy would come onto the radio and they would tune into the radio in the house and listen, and this guy would be calling the Flying Dutchman. And this guy then eventually would come and see us over there, and they would ask him, did you get our answer or whatever? No, no answer again. Then he goes back again and he calls the Flying Dutchman again on the radio, trying to make contact. S1 **Speaker 1** 03:48 So this became quite a big joke and eventually I believe that Port Elizabeth came on the radio and said yes this is quite original but it can't happen that we call the Flying Dutchman on the radio. So those are the type of things that happen on these small stations you know trying to amuse yourself But most of the time the guys are fishing, and Bird Island for instance, there was a lot of penguins, so we ate penguin eggs and that type of stuff. But the islands, some of them were you know fairly close to a town and you know your schooling would be a lot easier because your father or your mother would take you to school and come and fetch you in the afternoon. And some of them, as I would get to a little bit later, sometimes you've got to go to boarding school. S1 **Speaker 1** 05:07 So the Lighthouse Services, although I went, obviously with my parents but I mean I went to about 10 different stations and those varied from like 2 years at a certain place to 3 or 5, even 5 years I think at 1 place. So My biggest problem with that is that you only you start meeting friends. By the time you've got some friends your time is ended and you get transferred to another lighthouse. So it is quite unfortunate in staying in the lighthouse service as a child going to a school and when you get to know some people you transfer to another place. S1 **Speaker 1** 06:30 But yes, I can recall maybe I stayed on Robben Island while Nelson Mandela was still in jail there and of course I was young so this didn't affect me in any way but I still remember that some of the lighthouse people over there went to go and get crayfish and the crayfish was so big on this island that I'm sure they only took like 2 or 3 maybe out of the water because they were enormous and they would provide it like a full meal for you. So, you know, apart from the fishing which is normally pretty good by the lighthouses, that's the type of lighthouses. That's the type of life that you have. Fairly lonely, but you keep yourself occupied by certain things. S1 **Speaker 1** 07:45 I know some of the people, Dick Wanus for instance was a very good artist and he painted lighthouses. Other people that I can remember talking about or hearing about were the Oretts, Graham and Peter Orett, was it Peter? Graham? Who went out and 1 day there was like a little, whether it was a fishing boat that was in a little bit of trouble, and he swam out to go and help the people on the boat and in this weather situation he drowned. S1 **Speaker 1** 08:45 So a lot of these small things were happening all the time that you heard about. So that's what I can remember as far as the lighthouses are concerned. Of course then when I went on to boarding school stories, yes it was quite a different story going to boarding school, But it started making you into a certain type of person because in boarding school you do things for yourself. If you mess a meal then you mess a meal. S1 **Speaker 1** 09:39 If you try and do something that you're not supposed to do you'll get punished. So you've got no parents or anybody to stand behind you or not help you necessarily but to guide you the the prefects the big boys and standard 9 and 10 were your guys that you could go to with a complaint or anything like that. So although I say I enjoyed boarding school simply because I learned to do things for myself. I've never been that I can say naughty, so I wasn't in trouble at school. S1 **Speaker 1** 10:43 The activities that I took on are normal things like playing tennis at the hostel supporting the rugby obviously because we were in fairly big school and when our rugby team went to go and play the bigger and the more well-known teams around the Eastern Cape type of thing. We all were ears on type of thing what happened and praise for the first team in that. So yes, that was what I can say started started your mannered, your being self-reliant, not dependent on your parents all the time and that because everything you did you you did it for yourself you had to do it. Then I get down to East London where I cover my standard 8 year. S1 **Speaker 1** 12:07 Yes, I believe that is how the golf basically started. But I think I just want to add a little bit there too by saying when I started playing golf with this caddy and playing the top 9 because that was not visible to the clubhouse and that I learned to play that very well and then During that time Gary Player, professional Brooks came to open or to be the the golf pro at Alexander Golf Course and Gary Player came down to play with him the first time that he ever played physically on the golf course, which I went to go and look at and I was so impressed with Gary Player. This professional Brooks didn't have such a good day but Gary Player at that point was in his prime and every shot was perfect and everything was so easy for him. I remember 1 of the incidents where they say to him on a certain hole, you know, you play down here and then there's a dog leg to the left and then the goal is another hundred and whatever yards from there. S1 **Speaker 1** 14:00 And he said, okay, don't show me where I must play, tell me how far is it from the tee to the green and in what direction. And this is when I realized what golf really was, because the professional that he was, he knew how far he could hit with a club and he wanted to know where it was whether it was going over the rough or what he just hit the ball straight towards the green and I can't remember whether it was on the green or not but that's the way that he played his golf. Shortly after, I either got a book given to me by my parents or I bought it with my pocket money, I can't remember, play golf with player. And this I started doing every day on the golf course trying to slice the ball or hook the ball when you wanted to and round the tree and fade the ball, etc. S1 **Speaker 1** 15:20 Etc. Those are golf terms just not hitting the ball straight. So I learned to do all those type of things while I was learning to play golf in that 1 year. And as I say, at the end of it I crashed in this 1 particular tournament on my very course where I played every day. S1 **Speaker 1** 15:50 So that's the part of the thing. Then, yes, I think the only thing I can talk about leaving school at the end of standard 8 over there is that I've never been a good rugby player, but obviously you're now in standard 8, you're quite a big guy and you must now play in the team. And I was selected to play in the team, whether it was the second team or whatever, I can't remember. But anyway, a guy was running down and I was at the fullback position and I tackled this guy, a very good tackle and saved him from scoring a try. S1 **Speaker 1** 17:02 Then I was known in the school as H.O. De Villiers because he was a spring buck and of course maybe a fullback, I don't know, I can't remember, but I was known as H.O. Then for this great tackle that I actually managed. But I've never been a good rugby player. S1 **Speaker 1** 17:31 I remember them in 1 game that the front row, 1 of them were injured and they said I must just push in the front row. Golly, that's the worst, I think, 1 minute of my life, entire life, because a chap is pushing you from the back, these other team is pushing you from the front, you've got a flank pushing you from the side and then you're in the middle of the scrum and they're going to break your neck. I obviously just said not again, I'm not playing, I'm not doing that, but that was probably the worst minute of my life that I had in my school career. Yes, then leaving school. S1 **Speaker 1** 18:41 I'm not quite sure where this fits in, But there are 2 decisions that a person makes in his life that are the most important decisions that you will ever, ever make because both of them you've got to live with for your entire life. Now the first 1 is leaving school. I don't mean in standard 8, and I don't mean in standard 10. It might go to university and it might go in a different direction like an artisan or call it a labourer. S1 **Speaker 1** 19:31 So that decision that you make to leave school is 1 of the 2 most important decisions that you will ever make. Because if you leave with nothing, you'll struggle for the rest of your life. If you leave and you go and you go to university and study something you've got that paper and that guarantee for the rest of your life. If you go and be an artisan or a plumber or an electrician and you've got those papers, those papers will stand with you for the rest of your life. S1 **Speaker 1** 20:15 And if you're nothing, absolutely nothing, then unfortunately you'll be shunted from here to there and probably battle for the rest of your life. Now, the other most important Now, the other most important decision you'll ever make is when you get married. Because First of all, if you marry a person and you're in love and you think this is the best thing that could ever happen to you, then again I've got to go towards books and knowledge. They will tell you that it doesn't last forever. S1 **Speaker 1** 21:11 So this love that you have in the beginning becomes maybe a little bit less and a little bit less and some arguments will maybe get into interfere or maybe you'll have a different direction in life and you want to do this and your wife doesn't do it or you don't agree on certain things or finances etc etc So this decision that you make is the very very second most important and lifelong decision that you do make. So I'd like to elaborate on it a little bit later but at this point in time I want to point out those 2 decisions that you make are the very very most important. I'm gonna cut out for now. Okay just another thing to add into this. S1 **Speaker 1** 22:28 My personality you could see from let's You could see from, let's say, an age where I could afford to do something different. What I mean by that is when I was working in the prison department I would go and book a campsite in the caravan park where all the holiday makers would come down and I'd stay there a few days in a tent instead of being at home. Other things I would do like go spearfish, go spearfishing. Go spearfish, go spearfishing. S1 **Speaker 1** 23:22 I'm not a brilliant swan though, so I'm not probably the best person to be a spear fisherman. But anyway, what happened over there is the South African spear fishing championships were held in Port Elizabeth. So I entered to go and, to do in this competition, go on a boat out in PE with this little spear gun. This is when I realized how good some of these spring buck and good spear fishermen were that would dive in and probably 5 minutes later come out somewhere like halfway down the island. S1 **Speaker 1** 24:22 These guys are very, very good. But my personal, call it adventure, was like this. This boat takes you out to the islands off Pee and there were like I think 2 spear fishermen to 1 boat. So these guys I would go in the water and I'd try and dive down by the time I get halfway where I can see the fish type of thing my air is out and I've got to go back to the surface again. S1 **Speaker 1** 25:06 So anyway, obviously I shot nothing. I saw 1 decent fish but I think I was just out of range to even have a shock. Anyway, now when I come to the surface my boat says to me there's a shock that is near me. Now what you do is you like turn around in the water, obviously with your mask under the water, that you can see if you can find the shark and if he's approaching you. S1 **Speaker 1** 25:51 I don't know what I would do if he did. I'm pretty sure that you could understand what I might have done. But anyway, every time I came to the surface, they would warn me that there's a shark near me over there. Eventually, because I'm not a good swimmer and I'm not a good diver and I realized that. S1 **Speaker 1** 26:20 I go back to the boat and I say to them, I'm too cold now. I'm not gonna go in the water. But In actual fact, I was pretty scared of getting in the water with that shark. That's an incident. S1 **Speaker 1** 26:41 Other type of things that I did was The mail, the passenger liner that used to call in in East London and go to Durban every week. I used to board the ship on a Saturday afternoon and then they cruised to Durban and disembarked in Durban and then hitchhike all the way back to East London over there. Of course the people thought that I'm pretty crazy doing these things over there, but I did this on a few occasions. Then another incident that I can just recall right now is 1 day I was sitting in East London, not while I was in the prison apartment long after, and there was a yacht going to Durban and I just got aboard the yacht and cruised it to Durban. S1 **Speaker 1** 28:04 While I was passing Canoeby where I live, I phoned my wife and said, do you see that yacht going past? I'm going on it and I'm going to Durban. So I just went off, it took like I think 3 days or something to get to Durban and then I flew back again. But I had nothing, I didn't even have a toothbrush in my in my possession. S1 **Speaker 1** 28:39 I just left my my truck in the arbor and I just jumped on this boat. Those are the type of things that I have done in my life. Another 1 that I did was I just, We hired a little plane from Matatiela. We flew to Lesotho to go and gamble. S1 **Speaker 1** 29:11 And at that point in time, South Africa was very strict on nudity and pornography and all that type of stuff. So if you went to a foreign country like Lesotho was then, there they had everything. And you could go and see blue movies and gamble and do whatever. So we'd fly out there for the weekend and then come back. S1 **Speaker 1** 29:44 But I didn't, my personal choice of, I went to go and see a Bloo movie, but I walked out because I was a bit disgusted and you know, I wasn't really enjoying the film that much. So I walked out of it. But the gambling cost me a little more. Okay, that's what I'm going to say now. # The importance of intimacy and marriage — **Summary: ** In this brief and candid chapter, you discuss the crucial role of a healthy sexual relationship in a successful marriage. You emphasize that making love is not just a physical act but a way to cultivate and maintain love between partners. You describe the honeymoon phase as a time when couples frequently express their love, leading to a deep sense of happiness and contentment. This intimacy, you argue, should continue beyond the honeymoon period to keep the relationship strong. You highlight the differences between men and women in their approach to intimacy, stressing that a thoughtful, varied approach is key to satisfying both partners. While you advise against extreme or unconventional methods, you underscore the importance of keeping things interesting and avoiding monotonous routines. Additionally, you firmly state that infidelity undermines the bond of marriage, as true intimacy is a private, personal connection that strengthens the relationship. This chapter underscores the significance of mutual respect, understanding, and genuine affection in maintaining a healthy, loving marriage. Raw transcript: **Speaker 1** 00:01 Begin voice memo. Today I'm going to talk about sex. Sex in marriage because I believe that a healthy marriage can only be accomplished with a good sexual relationship. First of all, Sex is called making love and I believe that making love Is the only way that you can actually cultivate love You can't buy it You can't store it and you can't give it to somebody else. S1 **Speaker 1** 00:57 So making love is the most important part of a marriage. Now to begin with after you do get married you get a honeymoon period. So Why I mention this simply is because when you go to bed or after an evening you make love. Then you fall asleep happy, contented and relaxed. S1 **Speaker 1** 01:42 You will sleep and wake up in the morning and feel exactly the same way that you can start your day again making love. Now, okay, this is the description. Now, what is making love or sex or? How do we start doing this? S1 **Speaker 1** 02:11 Alright, Men and women are totally different. A man will have a quickie and feel satisfied. A woman does not get the same result out of a quickie. So, for a woman, I believe it's a process that must be slowly done through a period. S1 **Speaker 1** 02:50 It might only be an hour. It might be a card in the morning, a suggestion of meeting at lunchtime and then going and having sex. Now, for me, I think the important part about this is simply what it is all about, because your actions must be varied. I mean, nobody will enjoy exactly the same thing all the time. S1 **Speaker 1** 03:42 Getting on, doing the job, and then accomplishing, or going to sleep, or whatever. I think it should be slightly better. I'm definitely against handcuffs and whipping people and painting them with something or whatever. All these funny type of methods that they, I don't know, create to improve your sex life. S1 **Speaker 1** 04:22 Now, also another thing that I want to say is, having a relationship with somebody else in a marriage. Again, this is not making love, because making love is a personal thing between you and your wife, creating a bond. Now, if you go and screw another woman, have a quickie, have some type of relationship, it must be hidden first of all And you don't hide something that you do enjoy. So there again, it's important to stick to the rules. S1 **Speaker 1** 05:19 Vary and also enjoy. And for a man, this is the most important part. It is where you bond.